Friday, June 8, 2012

Yo le di un hijo a mi marido

Lo cargue por 9 meses y lo traje al mundo para regalarselo a mi marido. Asi de simple. My son prefers daddy over me. Sometimes I think he hates me. I am so heartbroken I cant take this anymore. I've tried to explain to my husband the pain I go through when my son rejects me. Is he too good as a dad or do I really suck at being a mom? or both? I dont know what to think or do anymore. I shouldnt be trying so hard to be my son's mother, that should come natural. When did I lose that bonding with him? When did I stop being necessary for him?

I cannot explain the feeling of hurt, all I can say is I am constantly truly heartbroken by this. Everytime I want to nurture him, cuddle with him and dadddy is around-forget it...mommy doesnt exist. Even if something happens and I want to come to his rescue and daddy is around...mommy doesnt exist. Sometimes I feel my husband stole  my son from me. This has been going for too long, I dont know what I am gonna do, but today was the boiling point. I can't take this any longer.

It has to be my fault, somewhere down the road I made a big mistake and I have not been able to fix it. Sometimes when I am alone with him, and I am looking to do fun stuff with him and actually be his mother...even if daddy is not around...he wants daddy. It's not easy to take care of him, if daddy is not around.

On top of this there is Nayeli, his baby sister who is 5 months old and he thinks Nayeli is mine and I am hers and that's it.  Como a Nayeli la estoy criando yo porque no estoy trabajando, yo he dicho dentro de mi que Nayeli sera mia y no de papa, ya perdi a Alex pero no perdere a Nayeli.

This is very upseting and overwhelming....I am so heartbroken right now, I feel like a total failure. I love both of my children to death.

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